Link vs Cluckers, When Chickens Attack
by Leaviel
Summary: Random, odd, and frighteningly insane, this story will shock and amaze you! ...Maybe not, but that's okay. has been reformated from original messed up thing. CHICKENSSSSSSS! and it's a tradgedy because it can be.


This story has been reformated from it's original version to fit your screen… I mean… I re-read it, it was weird, so I changed it. Yay.

You all know (or should) the story of The Legend of Zelda (why would you be reading this fanfic if you hadn't?). This is the story of The Legend of Cluckers, a rabid chicken, and his friends Chirpins, Plucky, and of course, Squirrel. If you're like me and in Zelda, you just have to attack everything you can, you most likely found out the great mistake of blowing up or slicing chickens. Yes, it IS fun, however my recommendation is to just run them over when on Epona. That way, they can't maul you to death and pluck out your innards, and, you still have fun massacring them. ANYWAY… back to the story.

One day, a young boy named Link found some chickens. They were friendly chickens and Link spent a long time dancing and playing with them. Link had three favorite chickens that he had named Cluckers, Chirpins, and Plucky. Nothing bad ever happened to them and they lived happily ever after-

WAIT!

This story is boring. The one good thing about it is that it is random. BUT IT'S BORING! So… I shall change it.

Ahem Where was I? Ah yes, Nothing bad ever happened to them… until Link got bored.

Boredom can be a very dangerous thing, as Link soon found out.

He had decided to re-enact his heroic feat of… err… finding his chickens. So, Link gathered his three favorite chickens (the others had flown away as fast as 'twas possible) and dressed them up. Cluckers was to be himself, as this was to be a play of only chickens. However, Cluckers did not WANT to wear a green tunic and hood, so naturally, he fought Link.

Eventually, Link got fed up with this, so he got out his sword. As he was about to strike down the disobedient bird, another smaller one intervened. The poor thing lay twitching and bleeding at Link's feet. Now, Link was usually kind to animals, and he felt sorry for it, so he tried to heal it with a red potion… However, red potions aren't really meant for chickens.

Yes, be afraid… be VERY afraid.

So… the little chicken somehow learned to talk (nope, not kidding). But, the only thing it could say was "Look! A squirrel!". Now, as you can imagine, when Link was trying to rehearse for his play, this got extremely annoying.

"Once upon a time," Link began, "there was a young, heroic boy named-"

"Look! A squirrel!"

Link coughed. "Once upon a time, there was a courageous young boy named-"

"Look! A squirrel!"

"No you stupid chicken! His name is not "Look! A squirrel!". It's-"

"Look! A squirrel!"

"AHHHHHHHH! STOP IT! Now then, Once upon a time, there was a boy named-"

"Look! A squirrel!"

"Grrr…"

It went like this for quite some time untill finally, Link finally snapped. He no longer felt sorry for the pesky bird. He took up his sword, swung it high above his head, and brought it crashing down upon the poor chicken.

However, the other three had been planning to attack him if he ever tried to hurt any of them again. Cluckers was their leader. They had found it very amusing to watch Link get more and more peeved with the little chicken when he interrupted him with "Look! A squirrel!". They had decided to name him Squirrel (I wonder why). Cluckers had even let Link put him in his ridiculous outfit. But, they knew Link's patience would soon wear out.

When Link finally let his rage loose, the three were prepared. They swooped down on him and pecked and clawed at his flesh. (cheery, I know) Link fought with all his might against the three of them. Finally, running into the nearest house to avoid the torrent of talons and beaks (and to catch his breath), he escaped.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch (hehe, get it?), Cluckers had decided to get the other chickens and plan a war to avenge poor, poor little Squirrel. (Who, by the by, was being treated for his wound by a couple of birds talented in medical ways.) Now, the other chickens began to get afraid. Cluckers had started foaming at the mouth and his eyes had turned a bright red. Chirpins and Plucky were trying to calm him down.

At that moment, one of the chickens exploded. Another became a ball of burning feathers. The chickens looked up. Link was atop the barn with his bomb bag and bow out, and was showering them with bombs and fire arrows.

A/N All right. Yes I DO know that Link can't use fire arrows (or any arrows for that matter) yet (he's still a kid). However, I just had to write of flaming chickens and this was the only way I could think of. Besides, it makes the story much more interesting!

Cluckers immediately took off and went for anything he could get to. Link threw bombs at Cluckers and shot him full of arrows, but the now flaming chicken (no, Cluckers is NOT gay. hehe. I can just imagine a chicken dressed up with a tight fitting shirt and pants, strutting about saying things like, "That's _fabulous_!". You know, maybe a fashion designer or something.

Whoa, getting off track, oops, back to story.) just seemed to get angrier and fought all the more

fiercely.

"WAIT!" Link and the chickens all turn around. Squirrel had sat up and was talking to them. Now, this was a shocker, because of course Link and all the other chickens thought that the only thing Squirrel could say was "Look! A squirrel!". Apparently, he could speak fluent English. Hmm… "You must fight the proper way." Squirrel continued. "Square off. I'll be the referee."

"Chicken boxing?" Link looked bewildered.

"Noooooo! Chicken… Kung Fu!" All of a sudden Squirrel turned into one of those singing hamsters and started singing, except… he was a singing chicken. "All the chickens were Kung Fu fighting! Bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, baawk, baawk, baaawk! Those birds were fast as lightning! Baawk, baawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, baawk, baawk, bawk, bawk, bawk! Etc." The other chickens join in and Link looks on confused, until Cluckers kicks him and snaps him out of it.

"Come on, boy!"

"WHAAAAAT! You can talk too?"

"We can all talk." Link clutches his head.

"I'm going mental, I just know it. Maybe Malon was right, week old, lon lon milk _is_ bad

for you."

"Let's go!" They went to the opposite sides of the house and waited for the countdown.

"GO!" Squirrel shouted, then went back to singing. All of a sudden, Cluckers' foot came out of nowhere and hit Link. He was tossed to the ground. Feeling a bit dazed, Link realized that something was on his shoulder. It was Epona. (Yes, Epona _was_ standing on Link's shoulder. No, no, no, you dim-witted dibbuns! I was only joking! Sheesh!) Hearing all the racket, she had come out of her stall to see what was going on. Now she wanted to help Link.

He scampered up onto her back and then ran over all of the chickens. Cluckers and all of the other chickens started attacking Link from atop Epona. However, as you all know, Link could not be injured by any of them.

"No fair!" cried Cluckers, "he has a horse! That's cheating!" But of course, Link liked his comeback and had soon squished the little birdies. They were no more, though he did weep over his lost friends.

That night, he was having dinner with Malon and Talon.

"This is the best chicken I've ever tasted! How did you cook it?" demanded Malon.

"It's a new way I invented. I call it… Squirrel."


End file.
